AmbergrisCaye.com Home Forums Talk Belize Chat Area Smiles for the day

These jokes are GREAT! I look here for some humor in my day. When I finally get some good ones to post I will!

Re: crying underwater- I think it's possible- I KNOW that when I was on swim team I would sweat underwater....... hmmm..... now I'm wondering how I knew I was sweating....... ok- I don't know...... LOL

The very first dive I did was in Puerta Vallarta after having done all the class room and pool work but not the open water dives. The dive master was Victor and he held my hand all the way as we cruised down to 79'. At that depth I reached out my other hand to point to something and my bright red fingernails looked cobalt blue - I cried - right into my mask!

i got to watch my daughter cry underwater on top of amigos wreck. her mask had cracked and blown the whole top seal. we kept waving COME ON COME ON!!! we had no idea what was wrong. she just stood there not moving. when i got close enough to see inside her mask, her eyes were closed and the mask was full of water.

really sucks to see your daughter crying 85 feet down.

Economic Models explained with Cows:


SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and
then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk
of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow
has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the
roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You
count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop
counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You
charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high
bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real
situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them
that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb
the **** out of you and invade your country. You
still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a
democracy....

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to
celebrate.

Thank you Tacogirl for starting my day off right!!! Love ya!

All those damn cows are causing global warming (and makes things smell funny). It's a good thing we are floating on a molten core that keeps us from being thousands of feet below sea level. And a big thank you out to Ug Gore, who, in 30 million BC, invented the rock.

A 2006 study by Texas A&M found that the average American walks about 900
> miles per year.

Another study by the American Beer Institute found that Americans drink an
average of 22 gallons of beer a year.

This means, on average, Americans get approximately 41 miles per gallon.

Not bad!

I like that one!

ENRON CORPORATION

You borrow 80% of the forward value of the two cows from
your bank, then buy another cow with 5% down and the rest
financed by the seller on a note callable if your market cap
goes below $20B at a rate 2 times prime. You now sell three
cows to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at a 2nd bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer
so that you get four cows back, with a tax exemption for
five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via
an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by
the majority shareholder who sells the rights to seven cows
back to your listed company. The annual report says the
company owns eight cows, with an option on one more and this
transaction process is upheld by your independent auditor
and no Balance Sheet provided with the press release that
announces that Enron as a major owner of cows will begin
trading cows via the Internet site COW (cows on web).

You're good Otter!